It is estimated that 5.1 million Americans have Alzheimer’s Disease, and if each of those Americans affect another 5.3 million, that’s (calculating…carry the one….divide by gross national product of Uganda) 27,030,000,000,000 Americans affected! Over 27 quadrillion! Considering there’s not even 7 billion people on the entire planet, I guess I’ll have to assume some crossover.

Also, if it’s worth doing, it’s worth overdoing, here’s a rad auto-tuned video in tribute to over-excited, crying, hippie rainbow guy. Enjoy.

The text in the ad is obvious. You can see similar ads all over the place, but why this picture? Why not a happy homeowner standing in front of his house, with a shit-eating grin, a wad of cash in one hand, and a thumbs-up in the other? Even a very generic photo of “banker shaking hands with customer” would make more sense.

This picture most definitely does not entice me to consider refinancing. I don’t see a connection between a sad old hippie and refinancing to save money. Perhaps some people will make a connection, especially if those people look like crusty old wizards. Maybe that’s the target market. Who knows?

So far this week I’ve gotten to experience a couple things I’ve never experienced before. I witnessed first-hand, the estrogen-fueled feminine fanaticism of “Twilight” junkies in large numbers, while attending the pre-premier of the “Eclipse” movie. Severely outnumbered by women, I chose to keep my jokes to a minimum. Intrigued by the thought of being attacked by hordes of Team Edward and Team Jacob fans, I didn’t think it would be a fair fight unless it involved Jell-O or baby oil.

Secondly, I experienced what it was like to ride in the front seat of a police car for a change. I went on a police ride-along with a friend to understand the typical day-in-the-life of a law enforcement officer. While I didn’t get to handle any firearms or even turn on the sirens, I did find it interesting and exciting. On a few occasions we flew through town in the unmarked Dodge Charger, responding to calls. I got chills. I even got to see some car accidents, one being fairly severe, caused by some poor little baby duckies trying to cross a busy highway. They didn’t make it.

The summer is flying by so goddamned fast. The days are already getting shorter, but I shall not complain. I am on the verge of a four day holiday weekend, without the dog and without being on call. This means I am apt to get myself in some trouble. Tonight, I’m going to see Hairball yet again at the Delano 4th of July celebration, but the big show is this weekend when the old college crew gathers for our annual binge of alcohol and fireworks.

In honor of the holiday, I’m including a video. Nothing says “America” like a one-hit Russian hair-band. No? Okay, maybe not, but at least the song title “Bang” conjures images of explosives and powder burns.

Really? Two competing coffee chains sharing space in the same advertising window? There are systems out there that will keep this from happening. Anyway, I guess stranger things have happened. I wonder who paid more?

For the record, Starbucks and their whole fancy Starbucks language can just piss right the fuck off. They’re not good enough for their own language. Caribou is way better…of course Dunn Bros. is better yet. Since I started drinking coffee, I can barely start the day without my daily depth charge. Mmmm-mmmm…love the taste of nervous energy in the morning.

Karl’s Coffee Quote

Kristene had been battling with cancer for some time. There were some positive moments during her struggle when things looked to be on the up, but in the end, cancer won. I read the email this morning, addressed from her husband Brad through the “Lotsa Helping Hands” website, where friends and family could keep up to date with her treatments and current health. It was short and to the point.

Late Saturday evening her fight with cancer has ended and Jesus has taken her home. She loved each and every one of you. Thank you all for caring so much about my wife.

I teared up. I took a moment, and I called my mother. I’ve never had to deliver this kind of news before. All I can say is that I wish I had the chance to know her better and I hope her family, especially her two young daughters, will make it through these tough times.

Rest in peace, cousin and know that this side of your family will keep you in our thoughts always.

Yes, I’ll miss the weekly ritual of zoning out in front of my 71″ t.v. and yes, I’ll likely go through LOST withdrawal, but I will survive. In fact, I think it’s a good thing that it’s over. It’s summer time. Life is good. Starting next week, I’ve got my house to myself again and I’m ready to enjoy and embrace everything the world hands me.

Below is a clip from Jimmy Kimmel, with some LOST advice now that the show has concluded. If you’ve never seen the show, no need to watch it. Otherwise, you’ll get it. It’s a little fun-poking at the hardcore fans, encouraging them to move on with their lives. I think it’s good advice. I’m actually considering canceling cable!

Namaste, bitches!

Sorry, that was uncalled for. You’re not fuckers. If you’re here, thanks for visiting.

So what’s new with Yourbadself? A few months ago, I finally paid off my credit card, which is fucking rad! I gave the boot to my renter so in a week and a half, I get my house to myself again, which is fucking radder! (or more fucking rad?). That means I can start buying keg beer again without it getting pilfered.  I have the full summer ahead of me. I’ll finally be meeting my new nephew next month. Life is good.

That’s it in a nutshell. I’ll try to stay current…but no promises!

I thought I’d include some Irish music for your seasonal listening enjoyment, as there is plenty of it to choose from. Well it’s not what you would consider Irish music, but it IS an Irish band singing their version of a traditional Irish tune. Enjoy. I hope all who are out tonight, donned in green attire, and consuming mass quantities of watered down green beer, drink safely. Call a cab!

I fully intended to make it to the office this morning, as I hate calling in sick. I don’t like using a cold as an excuse to miss work. That’s for wussies. But as I attempted to get ready, it became evident that I would be causing more damage than good if I went in. I guess I’m a wuss. Since then I’ve been in and out of NyQuil comas and I’m barely together enough now as I write this. I’ll need to make it in tomorrow for sure. I’ve got lots coming up. In addition to work, I still need a couple more days of training before I run my 7k on Saturday. If I’m not better by then, it’s going to be one miserable run.

Shit.

I don’t deny that serving generic ads like this helps monetize to the best of a site’s ability, but I do believe that the quality of many of these ads may tend to lower the credibility of a site.

Now, I may just have a completely filthy mind (true), or someone in the QA department let this one slip by, but this is an example of what I mean. It’s an ad for teeth whitening services, which once you look at it, you can figure out. However, the instant I saw it for the first time, I saw a gigantic luminescent alien member in the process of being felated. I’m sure I can’t be the only one. What are your thoughts? Are you as filthy-minded as I?

If indeed this was some kind of mutant knob getting polished, there is good news. The owner of this glowing monstrosity would be the first person ever to be able to commit the act and simultaneously scan for their own DNA evidence. Neat trick!

Using my cell phone for an alarm makes it too easy to hit that snooze button. Once I hit it once, the phone remains in my hand and all that’s required for the next thirteen alarms is a slight movement of the thumb. Talk about lazy. I could certainly go to bed earlier, but from experience I know that waking up regardless of the amount of sleep is difficult. I just love sleep.

I had seen alarm clocks that are built on wheels and after one snooze when the alarm goes off again, the clock rolls off your dresser and all around the room, forcing you to get out of bed to turn it off. I’ve seen others with a spinning helicopter-type mechanism on top that shoots off and the alarm won’t turn off until you retrieve it and clip it back in place. Once of these could be my solution. So I got on YouTube in search of a demo and in the process I found this video. I am most definitely not equipped to build something like this but  it’s probably a good thing. The problem of oversleeping would pale in comparison to the problem of having to wash my sheets on a daily basis. Sweet idea though.

I can be mildly stubborn from time to time, as I like certain things done in certain ways. At the same time I shrug it off if it doesn’t get done my way. I have a few predictable patterns that I try to stick to, but I enjoy some spontaneity so I don’t live and die by those patterns. I keep a budget and I track my spending to the penny, but it doesn’t bother me if I spend outside my budget. I go to the grocery store with a list, but when I get to the store, I usually end up getting whatever I’m craving. I roll my socks to make sure there are no oddballs, but I don’t keep them in organized little rows in the drawer. I hate clutter so I’m tidy, but I hate deep-cleaning so the house usually needs a scrub down.

These are just a few examples. I certainly don’t appear to suffer from OCD and I don’t think I would even consider myself anal! It’s evident that I don’t have the commitment to be anal, despite my attempts! Ha! So piss off, you naysayers! I’m normal.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Of course…there is ONE thing that I do that is a little unusual. I tend to wear my work shirts twice before tossing them in the laundry. To some people, that alone would seem crazy, but it’s not like I roll in filth. I work in an office…at a desk. They can’t get that dirty. Regardless, I don’t wear a shirt two days in a row. That would be nuts! I just hang it up after the first wear to wear again at a later date. So, at the end of the day as I’m getting ready for bed, I have to remember if I’ve worn the shirt once or twice. How do I do this? Well, with a system of course. In the “work shirt” section of my closet (yes, they have their own section,) shirts fresh from the laundry are hung, buttoned at the neck on the right, while If I’ve worn them once, they are hung unbuttoned to the left. One empty hanger separates to two sections, so I can quickly determine how many clean clean shirts there are and how many one-day clean shirts there are. Okay, now we’re getting quirky. Now…I still have a problem remembering at the end of the day whether I grabbed the shirt that morning from the clean clean side or the one-day clean side. Obviously my system needed improving upon. My solution was another hanger. In the morning, if I pull a clean clean shirt, I leave it’s empty hanger in place so then at the end of the day, I know to put the shirt back on its hanger and move it to the one-day clean side. Problem solved.

Holy crap…in my head that sounded like nothing more than quirkiness, but typing it out…now I feel like a total fucking nut job! Perhaps there’s something to this anal thing after all!

Pants, you ask? Meh, sometimes one day, sometimes two, usually a quick sniff test…for some reason I’m not hung up on the pants…although all pants and jeans hang on black hangers, while shirts hang on white. Am I a weirdo?

I definitely did not take care of my teeth growing up, despite my mothers attempts to keep me on track. Thank God for insurance. Every trip to the dentist yielded at least a cavity or two. Most work I’ve had done is due to my own neglect but some things were unavoidable. In third grade I broke my front tooth doing push-ups in gym class. Back then, the material used for repair was not the greatest quality and it yellowed over the years. I was supposed to get that crown replaced at 18 and yet, I still haven’t gotten around to it…the insurance companies call it cosmetic, so they won’t pay for it. I’ve had it lightened and polished best I can, but soon I’ll get that bugger fixed. Then there are the fillings…good Lord, the fillings. My mouth is a virtual time line of dental technology, marking the best in metal or composite materials throughout the years. In addition I have a few crowns on the molars. I must be getting close to more man-made materials than natural enamel.

Thankfully as an adult, I’ve grown more responsible. I don’t floss every day, but fairly regularly. Instead of cavities every time, it’s only occasionally. Now that I have to pay for what insurance doesn’t  cover, it keeps me on my toes. This shit costs too much to just let my teeth (I mean what’s left of my teeth) rot.  Tonight’s bill was  $220 for twenty minutes of work. At least there was a bar downstairs, where I could get a 2-for-1 and feel okay about it.

So here’s a lesson for ya…brush and floss. Lay off the pop and candy, and for the love of God, pay attention doing your push-ups. It’s not a race!

So what do we know about these fruits?

Pineapple is high in calcium and manganese, which is good for bones and connective tissues. It’s also full of Vitamin C which is good for fighting off colds and bromelain which is a cough suppressant. Strawberries are a good source of fiber and Vitamin C. They also contain antioxidants that are known to fight free radicals, which are thought to contribute to the formation of many kinds of cancer. Blueberries are high in antioxidants and are known to improve short-term memory, balance and coordination. They also promote urinary tract health. Grapes have many of the same vitamins and benefits, but they also help fight diabetes, high blood pressure and skin cancer!

So, obviously this fruit has a wide variety of benefits for your health. Did I know all this already? Shit no! I just looked all that up two seconds ago. Obviously fruit is good for you and all fruits have their own benefits. Unless you know what disease you’re trying to fight off or what benefits you need in a fruit, just eat what you like. It’s all good for you. It doesn’t really matter what fruit you eat as long as you eat it. Experiment. Find something you like. I don’t seem to get bored with this mix, and if I ever do, I can mix in a little yogurt and granola.

I hoped you liked my super-secret recipe.

Oh and by the way if you mix the fruit up and put it in smaller containers, it will last longer. When there’s more air than fruit, it will speed up the spoiling. I just mixed up this batch and it will last me a week or more.

I’ve got to hand it to these guys. The pure adrenaline junkies can always find a new way to scare the bejeezus out of people. I hope these wing suits have room for an adult diaper, because if I was wearing it, it would be necessary.

That being said however, I do have issues with a sub-group of cyclers. Many die hard cyclers demand the same privelages as any driver, but for some reason they feel they are better than anyone else on the road. They don’t stop at stop signs, they run red lights and half the time they don’t even look where they’re going. These self-righteous pricks think that everyone else should be looking out for them. These people should be kicked in the face.

If that’s not bad enough, it gets worse. Minnesota winter driving can be treacherous enough without dumbasses like this on the roads. Most of us here grew up with this weather. We’re used to it. We know how to drive in the snow. We allow for a little extra margin of error, knowing that the roads are slick after a snowstorm. We know how to turn into the direction of a skid and pump the brakes if we are in a slide. But we can only do so much in the line of caution. The last thing we need is bicylcers slowing us down further. Really? Four inches of slippery snow on the road and you want to ride between two lanes on a two wheeled death trap? These people are a liability and a hazard. They’re slowing down traffic for everyone in these conditions and the sad thing is that if they wiped out, which is likely, and got run over…guess who’s fault it is. Not the dumbass’s.

Anyway, that’s my rant. Cyclers, I respect you, but please follow the rules of the road. You’re not above the law, and for the love of God when the streets are covered in snow, take a bus.

I ran my first 5k race in early October. I trained for two months to be ready for it because I was never a runner. I didn’t think I’d be able to do it. My body screamed in agony with the unfamiliarity of the movements. Before then I walked a lot and had an occasional bike ride, but running to me was only necessary if being chased by the boogeyman. Race day came and went. I finished in decent time for a rookie runner. I celebrated and relieved that it was over, I took a break. Needless to say, without another goal lined up, I fell into familiar habits of lethargy. Fall was setting in and temperatures were dropping. It was easy to talk myself out of exercise. Months later, I decided to join a gym, but it was still tough for me to make time. I needed another goal to motivate me.

I began looking for another 5k, as I felt it would be easy enough to work through the same training, although this time on a treadmill rather than outside. A friend suggested a 7k, which is 4.3 miles (a 5k is 3.1 miles). I don’t think that a 7k is a standard race distance, but being it falls around St. Patrick’s Day and is sponsored by Kieran’s Irish Pub in Minneapolis, they had the old “Luck of the Irish” theme to play off of (i.e. Lucky 7). Regardless, it would be a distance I have never done before, so I had found my goal. I signed up before I had a chance to talk myself out of it and there’s the motivation. Easy peasey.

An extra bonus is a free pint of beer from Kieran’s after the race. I am a lover of beer, and beer of course is one of the main reasons I need to stay active. It’s a give/take relationship. Anyway, I can’t think of a better way to celebrate completing a race than an ice cold beer.

Off to the treadmill I go.